Wife of a Doc Star

Married to a 2nd year anesthesiology resident

7 notes &

A Quick Check-In!

Hi tumblr world! Holy moly, it’s been over 6 months since I’ve been on tumblr. I attribute that to a busier work schedule on my end as well as a better schedule on Doc Star’s end, and I apologize for going dark for such a long time. I thought of this blog tonight as Doc Star just started his surgical ICU month and was supposed to get home 3 and a half hours ago - so I was reminded of intern year ;-)

Anyways, nothing too new or crazy in our world. This year, CA-1 year of anesthesia residency, is so much better than surgical intern year in my opinion. Doc Star is doing what he loves and coming home excited about what he is doing. This month is going to be the toughest month of the year, but I feel like we can make it through just about anything now. Only 2 years and 4 months left of residency!

Hoping I can check in a few more times in the next few months (and catch up on all the blogs I follow). :)

Filed under ca-1 year residency anesthesia

107 notes &

We’ve “survived” our 1st year of med school - but it feels like my being at school all the time has caused my spouse to fall out of love with me. Neither of us do the little things we used to do for each other. Any advice on how to fall back in love with each other?

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Anonymous

Sorry for taking a while to get back to you, anon. Starting medical school is a huge change in life, especially if you have also just started your lives together (I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’m guessing it’s less than 10 years, probably even 5). A lot of couples go through something similar, so know you are not alone. Remember that feeling when you first met your spouse and wanted to spend every single moment together and you couldn’t stop thinking about him/her? That is what some people call “love sickness”.

I remember that time well. Doc Star and I would do crazy things for each other to prove our love. When I studied abroad, I wrote him a note to read for every day I was gone. Do you know how long it took me to do that? But I was in loooove :). Yes, today we still do little things for one another, but that isn’t how we know we love each other. I remember reading somewhere that romantic love, on average, lasts only three years. Well, DS and I have been together for 7 years, so I guess our “romantic love” has been “gone” for quite some time. But something else (and better) has replaced that. Deep, meaningful love. It’s hard to explain, but it doesn’t require DS to bring me home roses every week. It forms as you go through different experiences - good and challenging - and you come out stronger.

Med school was one of those. It was new and challenging. Doc Star had to study a lot. But we did it. Our relationship was tested, but we prevailed and grew closer. Then intern year happened, and a lot of things that seemed tough in med school maybe weren’t as tough as we thought. But med school molded us to persevere through intern year. And now we are already in year 2 of residency, and intern year has prepared us for this year (see a trend)!

If you feel this “in-love” feeling has waned in your marriage, put it in perspective and do a little work to renew it - it may take a little more work than it used to, but it will be worth it. Set aside a regular date night, write a love letter to your spouse (it doesn’t have to be long). Try to be creative in the ways you show affection to each other. Remember, as you work on your marriage it will probably result in a deeper love and respect for one another.

Also, don’t be afraid to seek professional help or look for counsel from a mentor couple. Hearing the perspective of others is often times very encouraging, especially when you can relate.

You are in a tough situation where have to put almost all of your energy in to school. However, it’s up to you to decide whether or not to put that our your spouse first, and if you do, it’s up to you to make sure that he/she knows that. DS made this very clear to me - and he sacrificed some study time or sleep once in a while to talk about our relationship.

Finally, I have a couple of book suggestions (one I have read and another I haven’t gotten to yet).

The first is the 5 Love Languages, which I think all couples should read. This talks about five different ways we each feel loved, and each of us usually has a primary “Love Language”. These languages are quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service. For example, let’s say your primary love language is quality time, but your spouse’s primary language is gifts. He/she may think that he/she is showing love to you by buying you a gift, but that may not mean the same to you - you feel more loved when your spouse and you get to spend time together. Seriously, this is a great book and eye-opener!

Next I suggest taking a look at the book The Medical Marriage. It’s on my “to-buy” list and covers some great topics that and unique to a medical relationship.

Finally, I want to make sure you’ve brought up your concern with your spouse. That’s really the first step you need to take. Does he/she feel the same way you are feeling? What are you going to do to make it better? Open communication is one of the most important aspects to any marriage.

And remember, those “little things” that you do for each other are great, but what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

Filed under marriage medical marriage five love languages medicine med school residency relationships

48 notes &

Re-Post: 3rd Year Relationships

Any advice for getting through third year as the girlfriend of a med student? My boyfriend is starting rotations this month and we already have quite the distance relationship so I am wondering what I can do to try and make life a little easier for him and maybe a little easier for me as well. I am dreading not being able to see him because he’ll be so busy but I was hoping you could share some insight that may help us out. Thanks!
Anonymous

Hello and so sorry it took so long for me to respond!

First of all, congrats on making it through the first 2 years together. Honestly, I remember the time Doc Star was studying for Step 1 as one of the most stressful for him and for us (we were also planning a wedding). So that’s something to be proud of!

Now on to the "Dreaded Third Year".  I hope the start of the month has gone well for you so far. Your boyfriend is and most likely will be working quite a bit, but here are a few pointers to make it easier on you both:

1. Sacrifice a little. Ok, I know you are probably laughing at this because you have been doing that already, but I am still going to bring it up. Maybe a better way to say it is try to remain unselfish. In the first part of 3rd year when DS and I were not married and living 30 min apart, I probably drove out to his house 80% of the time and he came to me that other 20%. That way he could use the commute time to read or study. I’m not  certain how far apart you two are, but if it requires a plane flight to visit him, you may be the one who has to do most of the visiting because he may not be able to leave for more than a few days. Hang in there and try to make those long trips worth it in your head!

2. Check in on each other and celebrate both your accomplishments. Take time on the phone to really ask how things are going and check in on your relationship. A lot can get lost in translation when you are talking on the phone or skyping, so make sure you both understand how the other is doing. Also, celebrate big and little accomplishments! If you had a great day, tell him. I’m sure he’d love to hear about it. Ask each other what the best part of the week was - little things to keep each other in the loop and keep you positive.

3. Spend the time you are away from him with friends and family and foster those relationships now. Also try to find another person who may be going through the same thing (distance, dating a med student, or both). I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to talk with someone who knows exactly what I’m going through. My medical spouses group I’m a part of is a great example of that. Try to keep busy and find new things to do - it will help with the time you are apart.

3. When you do see each other, be intentional. This time is precious. This is the time to really see how the relationship is going and to work on things together. Go on date nights.

4. Do something together, even if you are apart. One thing DS and I did when I studied abroad was deciding to read the same book - almost like a 1 on 1 book club. That way we had something else to talk about and feel connected. The medical world is often very foreign to me and at the same time very familiar to DS, so that’s not something we can sit down and have a deep conversation about.

5. Keep on keeping on. Both of you need to remember that your relationship is more important than medicine, although often times it may be tested. This is also a team effort - many people joke that Doc Star’s MD is just as much mine as it is his, but I take that to heart! Hang in there!

(re-posted to make re-bloggable!)

Filed under 3rd year med school relationships medicine

8 notes &

Anonymous asked: 1. You're just the wife of a doctor. 2. Got some huge ego, don't you? I've seen your post circulating and it's disgusting.

Wow! Not sure the logic behind this, but I don’t think this would be tooting my own horn (since I am “just the wife of a doctor”)

That’s too bad this writing disgusts you. I think it’s quite encouraging for those going down the ever-demanding medical road (and for those egotistical wives/husbands/significant others who are with them!). 

P.S. Just in case it isn’t clear, I did not write that (the original blog post is here). I just wanted to share it :)

Filed under good grief

535 notes &

To Being Doctors-to-Be

This post is awesome.

Cheers to all of you

"We who were always overachievers. Who missed the dusk of our adolescence solving multiple-choice questions.

We who began our adult lives spending alternate days with corpses. Who carry bones in our bags and books that break our backs. Who spend the prime of our youth in the grime of wards. Who have already witnessed a lifetime’s share of deaths. Who learn about depression but fail to recognise it in ourselves.

We who have no definite college hours. Who don white coats even in the heat of May. Who are accustomed to the deadweight of stethoscopes around our necks. Who will pursue likely teachers for a lesson even into the night.

We who also study law, sociology, psychology, entomology, nutrition, sanitation and statistics. Who are always between exams. Who neglect the pursuit of our other passions. Who sometimes cancel our own vacations. Who covet amphetamines.

We who touch people slathered with stools, slime and psoriasis. Who have been sprayed by every infective fluid. Who are protected from a life with HIV by the flimsy rubber of gloves. Who tempt its prolonged death every time we draw blood. Who laugh off our chances of contracting tuberculosis. Who know batchmates who have.

We who study for four-and-a-half years but intern as peons. Who graduate after our peers have finished postgraduation. Who are the last to earn first salaries. Whose parents must support us well into our twenties. Whose futures are thwarted by the government every step of the way.

We who sacrifice weekends to classes that propel us towards specialisation. Who must compete with each other for expertise you desperately need. Who will slog for years to earn the letters you look for suffixing our names.

We whose friends have designated us perpetually busy. Whose presence at family functions is always greeted with surprise. Who are sick of the question, ‘what are you going to specialise in?’

We who have befriended no non-medical person since our course began. Who are no longer with our loves from before it did. Who date each other and discuss medicine. Who will advise you to procreate before thirty but who marry after it.

We who trawl PlayStore for medical apps. Who have spent more on medical manuals than meals and movies combined. Who believe that the real problem is unregulated fertility. Who associate the first rains with malaria. Who are disillusioned by the fact that there is no health without wealth.

We who are hunted and haunted by questions that have no answers. Who feel guilty when we know less than we should. Who fear that we will never be good enough.

We who cannot round off numbers. Who are forbidden shortcuts. Who are not allowed to be judgemental. Who must help even the dregs of society.

We who cannot ever abandon logic. Who are rational but must allow for prejudices. Who have no choice but to listen.

We who will never tell you any of this.

We who really need to step back and appreciate ourselves.”

Filed under doctors residency med school

7 notes &

Anonymous asked: Any advice for getting through third year as the girlfriend of a med student? My boyfriend is starting rotations this month and we already have quite the distance relationship so I am wondering what I can do to try and make life a little easier for him and maybe a little easier for me as well. I am dreading not being able to see him because he'll be so busy but I was hoping you could share some insight that may help us out. Thanks!

Hello and so sorry it took so long for me to respond!

First of all, congrats on making it through the first 2 years together. Honestly, I remember the time Doc Star was studying for Step 1 as one of the most stressful for him and for us (we were also planning a wedding). So that’s something to be proud of!

Now on to the "Dreaded Third Year".  I hope the start of the month has gone well for you so far. Your boyfriend is and most likely will be working quite a bit, but here are a few pointers to make it easier on you both:

1. Sacrifice a little. Ok, I know you are probably laughing at this because you have been doing that already, but I am still going to bring it up. Maybe a better way to say it is try to remain unselfish. In the first part of 3rd year when DS and I were not married and living 30 min apart, I probably drove out to his house 80% of the time and he came to me that other 20%. That way he could use the commute time to read or study. I’m not  certain how far apart you two are, but if it requires a plane flight to visit him, you may be the one who has to do most of the visiting because he may not be able to leave for more than a few days. Hang in there and try to make those long trips worth it in your head!

2. Check in on each other and celebrate both your accomplishments. Take time on the phone to really ask how things are going and check in on your relationship. A lot can get lost in translation when you are talking on the phone or skyping, so make sure you both understand how the other is doing. Also, celebrate big and little accomplishments! If you had a great day, tell him. I’m sure he’d love to hear about it. Ask each other what the best part of the week was - little things to keep each other in the loop and keep you positive.

3. Spend the time you are away from him with friends and family and foster those relationships now. Also try to find another person who may be going through the same thing (distance, dating a med student, or both). I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to talk with someone who knows exactly what I’m going through. My medical spouses group I’m a part of is a great example of that. Try to keep busy and find new things to do - it will help with the time you are apart.

3. When you do see each other, be intentional. This time is precious. This is the time to really see how the relationship is going and to work on things together. Go on date nights.

4. Do something together, even if you are apart. One thing DS and I did when I studied abroad was deciding to read the same book - almost like a 1 on 1 book club. That way we had something else to talk about and feel connected. The medical world is often very foreign to me and at the same time very familiar to DS, so that’s not something we can sit down and have a deep conversation about.

5. Keep on keeping on. Both of you need to remember that your relationship is more important than medicine, although often times it may be tested. This is also a team effort - many people joke that Doc Star’s MD is just as much mine as it is his, but I take that to heart! Hang in there!

9 notes &

Just got an email that this blog turned 2 today! Pretty crazy that it is also Doc Star’s LAST DAY OF INTERN YEAR!! 
We are ending the medical year with a bang: dinner tonight with some family and friends, DS’s 10 yr high school reunion tomorrow, and leaving Sunday for an all-inclusive beach vacation where there will be no 3:30 am alarms set, no rounding, no 14 hr work days, but lots of relaxation (and some fly fishing). 
Looking forward to writing an “intern year in review” post, but that probably will come after vacation. So proud of my Doc Star! 1 year down, 3 to go!

Just got an email that this blog turned 2 today! Pretty crazy that it is also Doc Star’s LAST DAY OF INTERN YEAR!!

We are ending the medical year with a bang: dinner tonight with some family and friends, DS’s 10 yr high school reunion tomorrow, and leaving Sunday for an all-inclusive beach vacation where there will be no 3:30 am alarms set, no rounding, no 14 hr work days, but lots of relaxation (and some fly fishing).

Looking forward to writing an “intern year in review” post, but that probably will come after vacation. So proud of my Doc Star! 1 year down, 3 to go!

(Source: assets)

Filed under tumblr birthday intern year General Surgery vacation medicine residency

8 notes &

Wow, it’s been a while. Intern year is over in 15 (yes 15) days!

Today/tonight is the end of year party/formal for the residents to celebrate the graduation of the 5th year residents. It’s also a sort-of farewell to the interns who did their PGY-1 year in general surgery, but are going into a different specialty (i.e. anesthesiology, radiology, etc). 

I’m planning on writing a longer post that will look back on the year, but I am just so proud of Doc Star and all of the other residents. Cheers!

Filed under intern year surgery general surgery residency